If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
