Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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