it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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