i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have aggressive nipples.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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