Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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