Non-Jews are for practice
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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