I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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