Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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