for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
