the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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