We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
