Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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