My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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