I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
