We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
