apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
