well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
