So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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