How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
