He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
