smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
