I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
