He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
