I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
