So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
