Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
