Pants 0. Shit 1.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
