I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
