You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
