sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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