people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
