I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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