Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
