I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
