TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
