I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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