We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
