i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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