she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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