I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
