My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
