Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
