Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
