Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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