How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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