Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he puts the penis in happiness.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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