I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
