Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
being pregnant is like rehab
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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