I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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