i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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