...so i touched it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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