they said they heard you say put it in my butt
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
