They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
