I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
