I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
