I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
