she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
