i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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